


Troublemaker

by pluto



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M, PWP, Spanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-04
Updated: 2012-07-04
Packaged: 2017-11-09 04:35:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,976
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/451334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pluto/pseuds/pluto
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started with a few too many down in the Purgatory Bar, and a bet, of course... Vega gets Cortez into trouble; Cortez takes matters into his own hands.  PWP</p>
            </blockquote>





	Troublemaker

**Author's Note:**

> I blame this on Joasakura

If push came to shove, Cortez wasn't sure he could explain exactly how he got into his current position: sitting in the commander's cabin, on the commander's couch, a bottle of her wine open on the table in front of him. And James Vega draped over his lap with his pants around his ankles and his incredibly fine ass in the air. 

#

It had started with a few too many down in the Purgatory Bar, and a bet, of course, as so much of the shit Vega dragged him into _did_. A simple, harmless little _bet you I can get into more of the Normandy than you can, Esteban._ Which led to them taking turns proving who could get into what limited access spaces--life support (neither), the AI core room (Cortez, after sweet-talking EDI), mess hall storage (Vega), escape pod maintenance shaft (Cortez), medical supply room (Chakwas had chased them both off on that one). Vega was one down and running out of options when he proudly announced that he could get into Shepard's cabin. 

Cortez called bullshit. Vega promptly marched them to the upper deck. "Lola and I are like this," Vega said, as they exited the elevator. He crossed his fingers and almost managed to look sober. "She even came by to see me get my latest tattoo."

"Sure," Cortez said, "She likes you so much she won't let you call her Lola to her face." 

But as they approached the cabin doors, EDI helpfully announced, "Commander Shepard is still on the Citadel."

Vega frowned, but he wasn't thwarted for long. "Stand back and let _el mago_ work," he said, cracking his knuckles. He opened up his omnitool, keyed in a sequence and then kicked the nearby wall. A moment later Shepard's door opened. Vega presented the doorway with an expansive gesture. "Señor."

Cortez raised both eyebrows. Vega shrugged. 

"The Doc took pity on me after watching me try to hack a comm tower for Shepard. Hooked me up with a Salarian cracker mod."

Cortez didn't lower his eyebrows. "So you decided it would be a good idea to break into Shepard's cabin."

EDI, sounding somewhat bemused, interjected, "I will have to inform Commander Shepard of your unauthorized intrusion, James."

Vega waved them both off. "Shepard won't mind. She and I are _compadres_. Come on, Esteban."

Cortez shook his head. "Oh no. I'm not insane. And I don't think hacking the door counts as having access."

"I believe the bet was 'get into more of the Normandy' and not 'have the authorization codes to access,' _pendejo._ Come on, you chicken." Vega grabbed him by the arm and bodily hauled him through the doorway. "Besides, you made EDI let you into the AI core room."

"I don't think Shepard is going to keelhaul me over that. You, however…"

Vega smirked. "She'll have to catch me, first."

"EDI already said she's going to rat you out the instant Shepard gets back."

"You're in here too."

Cortez pried Vega's fingers from his elbow. "And I'm leaving. As should you." 

"C'mon, Esteban. Don't be a _cagón._ "

"That's just what I am. And if you have any sense of self-preservation…" 

Vega, as if to prove how little care he had for Cortez's silly reality, trotted into the main room and flopped on Shepard's couch. He put his boots up on her table. Cortez was mortified; but truth be told, he was also a little impressed, and he was more than a little drunk. So he lingered in the doorway instead of doing the smart thing and turning around and marching himself out.

There was a bottle of wine, unopened, on the table, and Vega picked it up. He raised his eyebrows and grinned. 

"Dare you to drink this."

"You're crazy. She's probably saving that for, you know. Company."

"You mean her turian loverboy?" Vega cackled. Then he contemplated the bottle once more. "Dare _me_ to drink this?"

"Shepard is going to kill you."

"That sounds like a dare," Vega said, saluting him with the bottle before prying the cork out with the multipurpose blade on his omnitool. Cortez, dumbstruck, watched him in awe as took a long, deep drink from the bottle. 

"She's going to finally listen to Javik and chuck you out the airlock."

Vega laughed and patted the couch beside him. "And you too. I'm sure EDI won't leave out the part about you being in here with me, will you, _bella_?"

EDI discreetly refrained from answering. Cortez groaned. 

"She won't. And so you're going out the airlock too. In which case, you might as well sit down and go out in style."

Vega's argument made a strange sort of logic to Cortez's alcohol-soaked brain. Soon enough, he'd put away a quarter of the wine before he remembered why it was a bad idea, vaguely. He shook the bottle at Vega and said, 

"You're trouble, Mr. Vega. Trouble. And… in serious trouble." 

Vega, lolling on the couch, snickered at this. "An' what are you going to do about it, Esteban?"

"I'll… make you drop and give me fifty."

"You're not my CO," Vega said, but he was leaning forward a little, no longer bonelessly falling back against the cushions. 

"'M older than you," Cortez said. 

"So?"

"So… You're in trouble."

Vega laughed again, and he said, "You're pretty lousy at this, Esteban."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." Vega put his hands behind his head. "My _papa_ , if he caught me doing shit like this as a kid he would've put me right over his knee. That _hijo de puta_." He grinned over at Cortez. "Think Shepard's gonna do that?"

And that was when Cortez's wine-and-batarian-ale-pickled brain decided to seize on the image of Vega bent over _his_ knee and would not let go. It was actually, as far as stupid ideas conceived of (and executed) that evening not the worst, though the timing could've been better. As it was, he found himself with half a boner while sitting on Commander Shepard's couch next to a very naughty Vega very enthusiastically finishing Shepard's bottle of wine.

Which was probably why he then proceeded to say, "Well, I don't know about Shepard, but it's what I'm going to do."

Vega's face turned red. He snorted. "Yeah, right, _pendejo._ Let's see you try." 

It was Vega's attitude, his unspoken _I dare you_ , Cortez told himself later, that made him suddenly a little more sober and a lot more serious when he said, "I'm not kidding, Mr. Vega. Get over here."

Cortez couldn't say who was more surprised, him or Vega, when Vega complied, getting up off the couch and sprawling over his thighs. Maybe Vega meant it as a joke, at first. And maybe Cortez meant it as a joke, too, when he brought his hand down on Vega's backside and said, "Pants off, Mr. Vega. We'll do this properly."

But Vega obeyed. He sank back onto his heels and pushed his pants down around his ankles, defiance in his face but never quite able to meet Cortez's eye. And then he laid himself back down over Cortez's lap, and there they were, Cortez wondering just how the hell this had really happened. 

#

Vega was heavy, really heavy, solid muscle, as evidenced by his firm, sculpted ass and his trunk-like thighs, and for a moment Cortez wondered who was punishing who. There was no way he could hide how hard this was making him--he had to be poking Vega in the belly for sure--and no way he could go through with this. He was in Shepard's cabin, for god's sake; drunk as he was, he couldn't escape that fact. And Vega was his friend, his thick-headed thick-necked jarhead friend, and if he did this--

\--but oh, god, that ass--

\--and then he was bringing his hand down, hard, hard enough to send his own skin stinging, to draw a yelp from Vega and a "Jesus fuck, Esteban!" and he was saying, 

"What do you think is appropriate punishment for breaking into your commander's cabin, Mr. Vega? Ten strokes? Fifteen?"

He expected a laugh, a curse, a "this is fucking enough, you loco bastard," but he never expected the sound that came out of Vega, an utterly involuntary hoarse moan. Never expected to feel Vega hardening against his thigh, to see his ass raise ever so slightly towards Cortez's upraised hand. When he could catch his own breath again, he said, 

"Fifteen, then, is it?"

Another moan, this time followed by, "Esteban," his name so full of lust that Cortez had to swallow his own needy sigh. He laid another sharp slap on Vega, on the opposite cheek this time, savoring it too much as Vega's ass tightened and flinched, as his skin turned from dusky to bright red. 

"Two," he counted off, and then "Three. Four." He alternated each strike, right to left, never giving Vega enough time to fully recover. "Five. Six." Vega gasped and bucked in his lap, jerking away from each blow, but Cortez didn't miss the way he raised his ass after, or the grind of Vega's erection against his thigh just before skin met skin. "Seven. Eight." The sharp sound of every slap was followed by Vega's groan, sometimes wordless, sometimes Cortez's name, and once, after "Nine," "Shit, Esteban, enough, I'll be good."

"Ten," Cortez said, silencing Vega with another blow. It was getting harder and harder to maintain his self-control. He let his hand linger over Vega's inflamed skin too long, let his fingers ghost down the cleft of Vega's ass. When Vega tipped his hips up and pressed back against Cortez, Cortez hastily smacked him down, Vega yelping again as the blow came down across his over-tender flesh.   
Instead of counting, now, Cortez scolded:

"You, Mr. Vega--" _slap_ "--are entirely--" _smack_ "--more trouble--" _crack_ "--than you're--" _smack_ "--worth!" _smack!_

"Hey!" Vega protested, twisting to face Cortez. "That was sixteen!"

"And you liked it!" Cortez answered, rocking his own hips up, pressing his now ridiculously hard erection against Vega's firm abs. Vega grinned and ground himself against Cortez's thigh. 

"Yeah. You did too. Obviously. So?"

Cortez gritted his teeth. "So. Since I don't exactly feel like getting caught fucking you into the floor of Shepard's cabin, where else do you have 'access' to?"

Vega's smirk was utterly wicked. "Well…"

#

"…Not sure what the _hell_ possessed you two," Shepard finished, crossing her arms and staring down at her arms master and pilot. Cortez did his best to look ashamed of himself; Vega, on the other hand, seemed almost proud. Cortez resisted the urge to elbow him. By the look on Shepard's face, he was sure they were about to get the airlock; but then Garrus spoke up from behind her.

"It's all right, Shepard," he said. "No harm done."

"No harm…? They were fucking in the main battery. _Your_ battery."

Garrus chuckled. "Gives me an excuse to do more calibrations. You could help me out, if you like. I could use the extra… motivation." 

Shepard raised an eyebrow. But her anger seemed to ease, her mouth quirking. "Fine." She looked back at Cortez and Vega, shaking her head. "You're both on waste systems maintenance duty for a week. Two weeks. Dismissed."

Cortez sighed with relief and grabbed Vega's arm, the better to haul him out quicker. They had almost made it out of the battery when EDI interjected,

"That is not the only place that Lieutenant Vega and Lieutenant Cortez chose to conduct their 'business,' Commander Shepard."

" _Three weeks!_ " Shepard shouted. "And I don't want to know!"

Cortez caught Vega grinning as they stepped onto the elevator. "Isn't so bad," Vega said. "There's a nice private shaft down by hatch fifteen…"

Cortez shook his head. "You're trouble, Mr. Vega."

"Better get me back in line then, Esteban." Vega laughed. 

Cortez snorted. "Count on it."


End file.
